The first two books were a bit slow and showed some of the cracks in Hobb’s approach to the story: because we only see things through Fitz’s eyes, she had to contrive a bunch of opportunities for him to be spying or hear second-hand info. Fact is, most of the action and plot politics don’t really involve him; he’s just a spectator. The biggest issue for me, however, is that what we know, Fitz knows. Therefore if I can figure out what the undercurrent is in regards to Prince Dutiful’s engagement and why the Fool desires to preserve the dragons in the world, why can’t Fitz?

It isn’t until the fifty percent mark in “Fool’s Fate” that Fitz or Chade finally get a clue. It should not have taken that long. It should not have taken that long for the concluding book to start moving towards a climax. The first half is spent in drudgery of watching Thick complain about sea sickness and Fitz moan about his lot in life. The man is almost forty: what one could excuse in a twenty year old is just plain annoying in a man whose children are on the verge of becoming parents themselves.

Powerful moments are ruined by the ending. Burrich’s saving of his son Swift was wonderfully written, but his sacrifice seemed only needed so that Fitz could finally get his Molly. Who, almost twenty years later, he still thinks of as “Molly with her red skirts”. My god, man, get over it! They didn’t even have a real relationship.

Oh yes and the Fool’s fate. Fitz reverses it, nullifying any impact it originally had on the reader, and ultimately his true fate is never known because Fitz is too concerned, once again, with Molly.

If Hobb had had the courage to actually make the Fool female, now that would have been a nice twist. If one could call it a twist with all the hints she dropped. But it felt like in the end she didn’t want to do anything to shake Fitz’s world too much. So make the Fool disappear, give him Molly back (but with Burrich out of the picture), and everyone live happily ever after. Except the Fool. Oh and Kettricken.

I find it a bit of double standard that Kettricken, whose six month marriage was arranged, and didn’t really have a true love with her husband until near the end, remains a devoted widow until the end of her days. But Molly, who was with her husband for sixteen years and raised seven (!) children with him is able to move on within a short frame of time. It’s actually quite disgusting how eager Fitz was when Burrich died.

Frankly, it was one of the most disappointing books (and by extension trilogies) I’ve ever read.

Towers of Midnight

It’s been almost a week since I got the book and after the initial excitement of getting Moiraine back, I have to say the book wasn’t really anything to write home about.

Rand: Zen Buddha Rand is very…distant. At least crazy Rand was someone you could relate to and feel something about what he was or wasn’t doing right. New Rand is so untouchable and “perfect” it can be a bit boring. Thankfully he is barely in this book otherwise it would have been overkill.

Nynaeve: Another character barely in the book. Her Aes Sedai test lacked the emotional investment we had with Moiraine’s in New Spring. First off, Nynaeve’s took too long: we didn’t need to see her go through that many trials especially since it was the same motif over and over. With Moiraine we saw her as Accepted struggling to practice the weaves and doubt her abilities. Nynaeve had no such struggle or any doubts. It felt like Nynaeve’s Accepted Test Redux. She didn’t follow the rules or seem to learn anything from it. If the only point was to show her telling the Aes Sedai how wrong they were for doing things a certain way, I would have preferred her test being done off screen. Waste of paper.

Egwene: Egwene is Egwene and seems back to her old self. Whatever good she did in the previous book in readers’ eyes is pretty much negated by her returning to the norm.

Perrin: This was a Perrin novel and it didn’t need to be. Far too much time was spent on his training with Hopper and his inner confusion. His confronting the Whitecloaks and finally doing away with that part of his past was a very nice touch indeed, he seems to have finally obtained an adult relationship with his teenage wife, and he has found balance with the wolf inside him. But it still took way too long to get there. Not to mention he suffers from the same “this is my playground!” as Egwene when it comes to the World of Dreams. They both need a wake-up call.

Elayne: I have tried to like Elayne. She is going to be a part of Moiraine’s life thanks to Thom (and well, being Moiraine’s niece and all) and she reminded me of a young (albeit annoying) Moiraine. However, she frankly disturbed me in the novel. Her power hungry nature has come out and she has all the makings of a future tyrant, if a well-intentioned one. She has roped the Kin in to be her personal channeling service, arm wrestles to make the Band of the Red Hand Andor’s own personal army, her eyes light up at the thought of being the only nation with dragons, and she only seems to want Cairhien to solidify her throne in Andor and to act as a buffer for any bad guys.

Even if I wasn’t a Moiraine fan I would still dislike Elayne as Queen of Cairhien. I was willing to accept it once I realized how late in the book Moiraine returns to the fold, but after reading Elayne’s ideas about the country and its people I have changed my mind. Moiraine needs to be queen to save them from the redhead.

Mat: Even though it was slow going at first by the end I actually became a Mat fan. Of course as it turns out those last Mat chapters were written by the late Jordan so I wonder if I’ll still like Mat when I read Sanderson’s take on him next book. For me the kicker was him finally seeing Moiraine as a human being and realizing he didn’t hate her after all. His whole banter with her was just awesome and wonderfully written. Good job, RJ!

Moiraine: She’s back and she’s naked. Not really much to say. I hope she cuts back on the smiling. Freaky.

Thom: I already ranted on Moiraine’s World about Thom, but I’m going to do so again!

Thom the Gleeman

I am honestly baffled at his whole hesitation. Not just with the marriage proposal but even before when she just wanted to hold hands. He has been mooning over her letter for probably close to a year, made it clear that he was going with or without Mat even though that meant certain death, was eager as a beaver to get going once Mat agreed, dug high and low for any information on the Tower of Ghenjei and the Eelfinn and Aelfinn, according Perrin he smelled “excited” when Mat said they were going to go to the Tower, scolds his hands and burns his clothes digging her out of steam blanket, runs himself half to death carrying her around, and then HESITATES when she wants to hold hands.

Now, I can see how he might have fallen in love with the idea of Moiraine and having the real thing is something else all together. Except, after Moiraine offers up her grand sacrifice Thom no longer seems to care about her channeling abilities and declares he’ll marry her then and there. So if deep down you didn’t care, why all this drama? Moiraine is just as guilty: he said he wouldn’t rob her of anything but then she has to double check. Both of them are drama queens and deserve each other.

Other points: Galad becoming human was interesting, his falling in love at first sight tiring. I get so tired of characters doing that. I’m starting to think it a Damodred trait because Morgase seems to at least wait a few months. Speaking of, her reunions with her three children were so anti-climatic. Galad didn’t seem all that moved, but it is Galad. Gawyn who has spent Lord knows how many books obsessing over his mother’s death…we don’t even get his point-of-view. It might as well have been off-screen. Elayne! Elayne seemed more concerned with whether or not her mother not being dead would be an issue with her own hold on the crown. God forbid Elayne has to give up her power! Mat had a more emotional experience with Moiraine than these three with their formally dead mother.

The Black Tower plot bored me. Tarna being turned is sad, but we saw her from the point-of-view of characters I couldn’t care less about. I couldn’t make myself read them all the way to be honest.

Tuon is a bitch and I hate her.

Oh, Aviendha. Her vision of the future is, well, not a very emotional issue for me as some others. I hate the Seanchan but I also hate the Aiel. So do I want to see the Seanchan take over the world? No. But do I like the idea of the Aiel finally get the smack handed to them? YES. Also, it was nice how Elayne’s granddaughter isn’t some OH MY GOD awesome beauty.

Olver. Um. I saw nothing of anything really important in his part of the novel. It didn’t break my heart in the least and he seems like an annoying ten year old kid. Just like always. So he wants revenge on his family’s killers? How is this some shocking revelation? I was hoping he died, to be honest.

Lan is not happy

Lan’s scenes were the most painful and awkward writing I have ever read in the Wheel of Time series.

In the end I’d probably give this book seven out of ten stars, and most of that is because of Mat and Moiraine. It’s right down there with The Path of Daggers and Crossroads of Twilight. Lots of things happen that I just don’t care about and all the good stuff is saved until the very, very end.

I am also on the hunt for a new computer. My last two have been laptops but this next one will be a desktop; desktops are easier to upgrade and improve upon, not to mention more bang for the buck. I was thinking that maybe one day I’ll invest in a netbook (oh how trendy) for something easy to move around with and do basic things like email, Word, surfing, etc. I’m looking forward to a new computer because then I can use newer version of Photoshop (Nik can help me out with that I’m sure…) and being able to play Sims 3 in my bedroom and not in view of the whole family.

I bought a hot glue gun today and hot glue sueded Caraline.  It  makes a difference, let me tell you. Of course now she’s a wee bit squeaky, hehe, but I’m the only one to hear. I mean she’s a doll, it’s not like she’s going to be walking around. Or if she is, at least now you can hear her coming which is a scary thought so I’ll just leave it there.

I’m halfway through the forth book of A Song of Ice and Fire.

My hair grew longer.

My copy is currently in the hands of my mother, and has been for a few months, so I might have inadvertently given it to her. No matter! I have here two of my favorite scene (although there are more) so I can laugh even if the book isn’t in my hands.

Now constipation was quite a different matter. It would be dreadful for the whole world to know about troubles of that failure. She felt terribly sorry for people who suffered from constipation, and she knew that there were many who did. There were probably enough of them to form a political party–with a chance of government perhaps–but what would such a party do if it was in power? Nothing, she imagined. It would try to pass legislation, but would fail.

That last line is so simple but come on! It was great timing.

This next part is a little long, but it all works together to form a great passage.

Sex played no part in her life now and she found that a great relief. She did not have to worry how she looked; what people thought of her. How terrible to be a man, and to have sex on one’s mind all the time, as men are supposed to do. She had read in one of her magazines that the average man thought about sex over sixty times a day! She could not believe that figure, but studies had apparently revealed it. The average man, going about his daily business, had all those thoughts in his mind; thoughts of pushing and shoving, as men do, while he was actually doing something else! Did doctors think about it as they took your pulse? Did lawyers think about it as they sat at their desks and plotted? Did pilots think about it as they flew their aeroplanes? It simply beggared belief.

And Mr J.L.B. Matekoni, with his innocent expression and his plain face, was he thinking about it while he looked into distributor caps or heaved batteries out of engines? She looked at him; how could one tell? Did a man thinking about sex start to leer, or open his mouth and show his pink tongue, or… No. That was impossible.

“What are you thinking about, Mr J.L.B. Matekoni?” The question slipped out, and she immediately regretted it. It was as if she had challenged him to confess that he was thinking about sex.

He stood up and closed the door, which had been slightly ajar. There was nobody to overhear them. The two mechanics were at the other end of the garage, drinking their afternoon tea, thinking about sex, thought Mma Ramotswe.

Below are the New Spring versions of Moiraine, from three different artists. Different styles but you can tell they are all the same woman.

Moiraine in New Spring

However, in Eye of the World girl is looking demented and not at all like the little hot Cairhienin old man Thom lusts after.

Moiraine?!

At least Rand looks decent.

Hmm, where to start? For the most part I actually enjoyed the book. Or should I say the overall effect of the book was one of enjoyment. The exposition of the book was a drag on par with The Wheel of Time. Ron, Hermione, and Harry traveling, camping out, complaining about traveling and camping out. I find it odd that the book is considered Year 7 when they didn’t even go to school. I was really disappointed about having to read about people sleeping in tents instead of actual, you know, Hogwarts fun.

Now, it would seem some people were surprised by Ron/Hermione and the revelation about Snape. I wasn’t surprised about Ron/Hermione, in fact I had thought it was already established they would end up together. Of course, I haven’t read any of the books except from when I first got them, so Lord knows what was actually in the books and what I just invented in my head.

Snape could have gone either way. At the end of the sixth book I did believe he was a good guy in hiding, but for most of book seven I wasn’t so sure. I wanted him to be, but it wasn’t until his death scene that my hopes were confirmed. Also, James Potter was an ass.

I loved, loved, loved, LOVED Molly Weasley kicking ass. She is now officially my favorite character from the series.

Dobby’s death was sad for me. I got a little teary, I admit. And no, I didn’t give a crap about the stupid owl! Anyway, Tonks/Remus…I never liked them as a couple. When I read that Remus had left Tonks (for however briefly) I was so happy! I saw the light at the end of the tunnel. And then he went back. So them dying was fine with me! Besides, the movie Tonks isn’t as soft and pretty as the book Tonks is in my head. So die, Tonks, die!

*coughs*

Who else died? Oh yes, Fred. I was surprised but not emotional about that. Actually, Dobby was the only one to get me a little teary, so there you go.

When Harry said “I am about to die” I felt a wave of emotion; it was fantastic writing at that point. That quickly went away when Harry “died” but then came back. Felt so cheated! However, I did like how Mrs. Malfoy lied about Harry’s death in order to save her son’s life. So from that point to when Molly kicks ass I was enjoying the ride.

The epilogue…the epilogue was horrid! It was a different style of writing and there were random names being thrown around like so much garbage. Ginny not getting to pick any of her kids’ names was sad, and naming a brother and sister after a husband and wife was weird. It wasn’t a very satisfying ending, and I would have liked it better had it ended maybe a year after the events or even just after a mass funeral or something. Although I guess the epilogue did end all the shipper debates.

Oh, which reminds me! Within hours HP fans all of a sudden became fanatics of the next generation of wizards and of course had to team them together. Teddy and Albus, though?! A boy who is almost 20 with a kid who has just turned 11?! These people are worse than WOT fans, and that is saying something.

I read this book last year, maybe even the year before, but I looked it over again the other day whilst cleaning and realized how bitter I was over how she ended this novel. She is obviously talented if she can upset people the way she did: if she hadn’t created a believable cast no one would have cared. So in my own mind I have decided to pretend that ending didn’t happen and make up my own. I feel better that way.

Then there is Laurell K. Hamilton’s Anita Blake series. It started out so strong. So nice and fun to read, with just the right hint of sex to spice it up. I picked up one of the more recent books and, wow. Just wow. Every freaking chapter there are pages and pages and PAGES of full on pornesque sex. And it’s the same kind of sex every damn time! Anita is a whore. Apparently she is a whore in love with all her men (she’s up to seven at the same time. Yeah.) doesn’t help. It just makes her greedy especially since she wouldn’t want her men to sleep with other women, and she’s undecided on letting them sleep with each other.

So she says she’s “in love” and that Richard should accept sharing her. Ok, wait, so he should share you and be happy about it, but god forbid you share! It’s ridiculous! I did not start this series to read a bad soap opera gone even more wrong, I read it to read about a kick ass zombie killer! WHERE ARE ALL THE DAMN ZOMBIES?! She says her job is her life and I’m a little over half way through this novel and she has yet to go to work. She has sex. A lot of sex. She wakes up and has sex. She has sex before bed. She has sex at noon. Sex sex sex sex. She manages to avoid saying “penis” so the sex scenes read like a romance novel. Only with far less tact and entertainment.

As much as I complain about WOT and Rand and his hos, Hamilton has made me realize how much I prefer them to, well, Blake and her sex slaves. At least Rand knows he’s an ass and doesn’t have all three in the bed with him. Yet.

I received and read Jan’s first novel (awww!) and yes, Jan, I did enjoy it. She all ready knows this, but for those who don’t, my favorite characters are Chiyo and Ariba (hope I spelled that right!). I like Noah well enough, but he’s not my fave or anything. But then it’s very rare for main characters to make it on my favorites list.

The more I think about it, the more it seems I will be buying vBulletin instead of upgradting to phpBB 3, assuming that project ever sees the light of day. I never thought this day would come! But I am seriously thinking about, and how to go about testing a conversion. I have a feeling the members will like it more; aside from Jan and Niklas and their “open-source!” club. I even thought of making Jan create a vBulletin skin for the forum, but that’s because I’m lazy. I hear it’s easy to do, so it’s not like she can complain! I’d make Kate do it, but she no love us anymore.

My OFB ships tomorrow!!!! w00t! Oh, and I do get spring break off so that means lots of sleep and lots of Sims. And maybe even lots of homework to catch up on. poo on that one.