This post is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Password:

The reason I think this is due to two factors: 1) Caraline was purchased in December of 2006, which would be my first Christmas since my grandmother’s passing and 2) Due to inheritance from said passing I was able to justify Caraline’s price.

Of course the acquisition of the other five dolls can be explained by my collector’s gene. If I had the funds I’d probably end up with more than one DSLR. As Niklas says, I’m like a magpie: always attracted to the shiny.

The doll hobby is a way of escape for me. I don’t want to think about what I have lost and even now as I’m typing about it I’m trying not to think too hard. I get so sad and bitter when I think about her death; when I see others with their grandmothers I get angry and jealous because it isn’t fair. I know, I know, life’s not fair, but since when are emotions logical? At some point my avoidance might cause me to crack like an egg.

I’m on the verge of tears (and god knows I hate crying) so I’ll probably just end this entry here and go do what I do best and lurk on DoA.

Hug your grandmas.

A day or a couple of days later she calls me in tears because her vet told her Maxwell will not be getting any better and she might have to put him down, due to quality of life and finances. I ended up calling the vet and paying the bill for that day.

She took him to the vet this past Tuesday with me in tow, and although Maxwell has improved a lot, I fear that at some point his health issues, whether it’s his leg/back problems or his kidney stones, will eventually lead to us having to put him to sleep.

For Christmas I got my mother a compact computer desk, because she really needed one. We got it almost all finished except we were missing these two thin bars that go on the back. So small, but those two things kept the desk from being shaky so…that following Saturday we came by, picked it up, and went back to Target with it. Oh yes, I got it at Target.

Now we have an exchanged one, which I had to pay .20 for since this store had higher tax than the one I bought it from (hardy har har) and we put it together. We are almost done when one of the wheels snaps off. I asked in desperation “do you really need wheels?” The answer was silence, so, we returned that one too.

At this point I wanted nothing to do with Target furniture. Off to Ikea!

Ikea furniture can be a bitch to put together, but it had all the pieces, and the wheels didn’t snap off. Maybe they have better factories in China.

Maxwell in cone

Whenever he had the cone on he would go sulk somewhere.

Max in cone

In other news, I have to be at work at 5:45 AM this Friday. Oh I’m sorry: Black Friday. I live far enough away that it basically means I have to be awake at four, and ready by four thirty. Seriously not happy. At all. And I have to be there until three. Plus side I get Saturday and Sunday off. Feels like a very small plus right now, though.

And finally, Leekeworld order came in. Only the carrier the other day decided he didn’t want to come back so I would just have to go pick up the package. Never mind that EMS is suppose to be attempted three times before being left at the P.O. Then the redelivery page was giving me a stupid error. I wanted it redelivered today, but it kept saying that the earliest it could be redelivered was…today. If only I could hurt their server. If only that would do any good. Oh, and so I go down there and I have to show ID (fine) I have to sign and print my name on one of those electronic things (like when you shop with your credit card at a store) which was awkward, and then I had to use that same machine and write out my address. Seriously, enough of a pain in the ass to make redelivery seem like a godsend.

So anyway, Perseus’ wig is definitely not MSD size, so we’ll see if it is CH size. Whenever he shows up. Ayleena’s wig needs some wig spray, but will be easier to handle than her massive curls one. It is also really really long. Picture is blurry, but I am so not retaking it.

Long wig

I also had Caraline try Kate’s shoes to make sure they were indeed for SD size feet.

Kate's shoes

I did not need to unbuckle to get them on.

Also, Caraline wasn’t wearing any sort of bottoms, only a shirt. Just thought I’d add that in.

And now of course the serious stuff. Yes, my grandmother passed away on Sunday. She was not ill or sick, which is why my uncle and mother now want to see a lawyer. It was not a stroke. I was the last family member to see her alive. I was really upset at the time, but now I think I’m just in shock. I’m numb to the point where I have to remind myself she is in fact dead.

I did think of calling a few of you that day, or night rather. After we called 911 I thought of calling Kate for some reason I can’t recall. Then after being told she passed I thought of updating Niklas since I had told him she was being taken to the hospital. By the time I thought of calling Laura I was not in the right state of mind. It’s a good thing I didn’t call anyone, however, since I couldn’t talk and I hate people hearing me cry. Crying is such an awkward thing.

I was going to try and explain what happened that night, but I guess I’m not as ready as I thought.

I’ve been feeling almost productive the last couple of days. Well, the feeling has gone down a bit, but for awhile it was damn good. There’s something to be said about getting things done. Like..packing! I should probably do that within the next couple of hours. My father is picking me up to go home for Thanksgiving. Oh…the yams! The wonderful, wonderful, yams. Not to mention family. I’ll be with my mom for Thanksgiving dinner, but hopefully I’ll get a chance to see some of my dad’s relatives too.

Bobbing for cherries! *shakes head* That comment still has me in shock.

I ordered my kitty hat and I should have it in time for Christmas. I will of course take a picture or two.

Well, birdies, I’m off to bathe, clean, and pack. To my fellow American, Red, have a happy Turkey Day! To all you others out there…uh…I’ll eat apple pie with ice cream in your honor.

OK. That was a rant I made like, a week ago. I still agree with it, mind you, but I don’t care as much anymore. More important things like, food. I need to do my dishes so I can have some apple jacks. I hate dorm life! I like having a house with a kitchen right there when you need it. I have stolen plastic bowls from my roomie when I was too lazy to get dressed. *not ashamed*

This past weekend I went to my aunt’s wedding reception. Not much to say about that really. Jennifer got drunk and danced the night away; I was stressed out about work; dad didn’t understand why Mom didn’t want to come. Normal family affair. I think it’s safe to say CC is my fave cousin on my dad’s side. You just have to meet her to understand. Of course, she’s also my dad’s favorite, so it’s possible he just passed it down to me.

I walked seven miles to Target on Thrusday to get Knife of Dreams. It was worth it! So, I guess I’ll share my thoughts:

Siuan: I don’t really like her anymore, and haven’t for some time. She’s acting childish, which is something I dislike.

Thom: Well…I like Thom now. Just a little.

Aes Sedai in general: Acting like fools, and I can see why some fans dislike them as much as they do. The pillow friendship was a bit overkill, RJ.

Tarna: Likes boys?!

That’s about all I feel like writing. Other than I hope Min DIES.

Oh, and I bought Nightlife. Let the Sims drama begin!

The weekend of May 14th I’m going to California with my dad. It is not a trip of pleasure. His godmother, Pat Hayes, is dying. She’s been sick for as long as I can remember, but doctors have now given her a year to live. On one hand I’m looking forward to seeing family, but on the other hand, I’m not a fan of being around death. It’s hard to explain. I’m not really scared of death, since I feel it’s a natural way of life. We all need to die at some point so more humans can be born. But I am scared of dying. I don’t like the idea of dying slowly or in pain. I’d rather it happen quickly. So I suppose I am scared of death, just not the final act. I’m not afraid of the afterlife, and if there isn’t one, then I’ll never have to be afraid.

I took a shower at 2 AM this morning. I was planning on 1 but that didn’t work out. Then I was up until 3:30+ talking with Jen Pen, Niklas, and finishing up Whitty’s new blog. I feel rested, maybe not well rested, but rested nonetheless.

OK, well, I’m going to wait to talk with Laura, but then it’s back to cleaning/packing.

Well, I read this and must say, I can relate. I have no words of encourgement, because I’ve yet to find any myself. Right up until college the only thing that made me special were my grades. Friends? Ha. I’ve had some real good ones, I’ll admit, but I honestly have no social life to speak of. I have a bit of an online life, mostly due to MW, but that seems to cause more drama then anything.

I’m ending my 2nd year of college, and have yet to make a single friend here. And yet, I don’t really feel bad about that. I’m not in the mood to have shallow relationships. All my friends are long distance; the closest one being two hours away.

The only words I can find that make it seem not so sad and harsh are: c’est la vie.